Making friends in adulthood is so much harder than I ever expected it to be. I didn’t expect to suddenly lose friends the minute we were all legal. I was under the impression that our friendships were stronger than that. I was under the impression that friendships could withstand new relationships, engagements, marriages and even babies.
Apparently I was wrong. Apparently friendships are always changing, and changing significantly when people begin a new stage of life. I’ve struggled to maintain friendships as the years have gone past. I’ve tried and tried to hang on to a friendship, only to realize that it’s just not working for various reasons. Maybe we’ve outgrown each other, maybe we are too different, or maybe, we were never really friends at all.
I was also under the impression that if someone means something to you, you will take the time to check in on them. Especially if you know things aren’t good at home. I’ve always tried to stay connected and check in on people. Particularly if I haven’t heard anything for awhile. That leads me to a different point, I don’t buy this “Sorry I’m too busy” bullshit If someone is important to you, you’ll make the time to talk to them, see them, let them know that you are thinking of them. Even a quick text would be okay.
Saying goodbye to friendships is sometimes incredibly hard or, if you know it’s a toxic friendship, it can be incredibly easy. I’ve been in both of those situations. In one situation, it lead to me blowing up at my friend in a public place (I’m not proud of it) It was all about how her new (and first) romantic relationship seemed to be more important than our 15 year friendship.
That happens to be one of my biggest pet peeves. When a relationship becomes number 1 in your life and you no longer have time/want to see your friends who were there before the significant other. I think it’s incredibly important to balance your friendships along with your romantic relationships. Friends are so, SO important and I think everyone needs to remember that.
Another couple times it was hard because I didn’t know what had happened. We just stopped talking and every time I’d try to reach out I’d either get an “I’m busy.” or “can’t talk right now” or even worse, no response at all. It was awful and it caused my self esteem to take a major hit. It made me wonder “What happened?” “Why am I not good enough” or other negative thoughts.
People think that self esteem can only take a major hit when you’re in high school, but that’s wrong. Your self esteem can take a hit whenever it wants to. Mine has taken many hits in my 20’s, and while it has not been fun, it’s left me with a better understanding of myself. I’m more confident in what I can and will put up with in regards to friendships. It’s helped me realize who is worth my time and who isn’t.
I’m a major control freak so the fact that I cannot control how others think of me or treat me, is hard. However, I can make it known that I am a person, worthy of respect, honesty and kindness. I can make it known that I will not allow myself to be treated badly. I will not try to force a reconciliation with someone I no longer care for. I will not spend time with anyone who doesn’t appreciate me and what I bring to the table.
Currently, my two closest friends are my boyfriend (who I’ve known since we were kids) and my friend who lives in Puerto Rico and has been a wonderful friend to me despite the distance. Would I like to have more friends? Of course I would, but I’m not gonna force it. Society says that if a woman doesn’t have several close friends, there’s a problem and it’s a red flag for anyone wanting to date her. Well I call bullshit on that.
Friendships are important. Friendships are sacred and friendships can bring more ups and downs than an amusement park roller coaster.
So, do you find it easy or hard to make friends?