The Healing Process

Hi guys!

So this is going to be a very personal post. You guys were aware that I was engaged and shortly after I posted my love story on this very blog, things very abruptly ended between us. I learned that he had cheated on me and that it was something that had been going on for several weeks. From the beginning of our relationship, I told him that cheating was one of my biggest deal-breakers and if he EVER cheated on me, I’d be gone. No second chances, no discussion.

He broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces that day and I took to Twitter to unload my heartbreak and disgust. Thank you to all of my awesome Twitter followers who let me vent and listened to me.

Telling my family was brutal and I never want to go through that again. My uncle and I have been known to get into political spats, but when he heard the news, he was completely ready to haul off and slug the guy. I love my grandmother, but she wanted me to try and work it out like she attempted to many years ago. She insisted that it had to be a mistake, but when I told her that no guy repeatedly “accidentally” falls into a woman, she cringed and dropped the subject. I loved my mom even more for her response. She hugged me, let me cry and then told me she would take care of calling the vendors for me.

I’m not the type to keep silent when I’m upset, I talk about it, I rant about it and that’s what I’ve been doing on Twitter occasionally, since this happened. I know a lot of people are the complete opposite of me, but thank you for not trying to get me to shut up.

When this first happened, I purged everything that he had given me, plus pictures of the two of us. Every time I found something that reminded me of him or us as a couple, I crumpled. The gorgeous engagement ring he gave me has been sold, and I gave the money to my mom who needs it more than I do right now. I spent nights reading, and binge watching Netflix with some BBQ chips beside me. I don’t have a lot of friends, so I really just spent a lot of time alone or with family.

My grandmother has already started bugging me to start dating again, but I’m just not ready and I’ve told her that more times than I can count. She desperately wants to see me married and settled, but right now I just want to enjoy being single. I don’t want to rush into anything.

Recently, I also had to cut ties with his family. That was hard because they are wonderful people. I had grown very close to his mom & sister especially, so cutting them out was hard. But after his sister told me last week (or maybe it was the week before) that he had knocked up the girl he cheated on me with, I couldn’t keep talking to her. Thankfully she understood, and wished me luck. Saying goodbye to his sister & mom was actually harder than saying goodbye to him because they hadn’t technically done anything wrong.

Cheating is awful, cowardly and disgusting. I have no sympathy for cheaters. I save my sympathy for the poor people that are cheated on. We didn’t ask to be cheated on. We didn’t ask to have our hearts shattered, and trust destroyed. 

If a relationship is no longer working for you, then have the courage and decency to break up before you start seeing other people.

If you have a friend who was recently cheated on and the relationship has ended, be there to support them. Don’t try to convince them to “get back out there” They will reenter the dating world when they are ready to do so. If you have a friend who was cheated on, but elected to stay in the relationship, be a friend and don’t impart your opinions on them staying in the relationship unless expressly asked.

Healing is a process. In my case, it’s going to be a slow process. I don’t trust easily, but I trusted him and I loved him and he betrayed my trust and shattered my heart. Something like that takes awhile to heal from and there’s always the chance that I won’t fully heal from this emotional upheaval. 

I only ask that you all keep me in your thoughts as I continue to navigate this pathway of life.

Thanks for reading, everyone.

2 thoughts on “The Healing Process

  1. Alexia – I remember seeing your Tweets about this and am so sorry this happened to you. I feel the same way that you do about cheating – it's one of the few things there's no coming back from. I mean, I guess some people can. But for me, once trust has been broken it can never truly be fixed. The really unfair part is that it's not just your trust for the (lying bastard) particular person that is damaged – it's your ability to trust, full stop. It takes a lot of time and work to deal with that particular type of betrayal. I know you can do it – and I hope that you will find the support you need, whether from friends and family or even from a therapist. Because at the end of the day, even though he is clearly not worth your energy, healing yourself so that you can love and trust someone else in the future is. YOU deserve it. Not everyone will betray you – and I know that you will (eventually, when you're ready) meet someone who will prove to be worthy of the trust you place in them. I'm thinking of you, and I'm really glad that you shared your experience with us – we're here for you, we're pulling for you, and we've got tire irons if you want us to pay him a visit… (joking… kinda.)

    Like

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