The Healing Process

Hi guys!

So this is going to be a very personal post. You guys were aware that I was engaged and shortly after I posted my love story on this very blog, things very abruptly ended between us. I learned that he had cheated on me and that it was something that had been going on for several weeks. From the beginning of our relationship, I told him that cheating was one of my biggest deal-breakers and if he EVER cheated on me, I’d be gone. No second chances, no discussion.

He broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces that day and I took to Twitter to unload my heartbreak and disgust. Thank you to all of my awesome Twitter followers who let me vent and listened to me.

Telling my family was brutal and I never want to go through that again. My uncle and I have been known to get into political spats, but when he heard the news, he was completely ready to haul off and slug the guy. I love my grandmother, but she wanted me to try and work it out like she attempted to many years ago. She insisted that it had to be a mistake, but when I told her that no guy repeatedly “accidentally” falls into a woman, she cringed and dropped the subject. I loved my mom even more for her response. She hugged me, let me cry and then told me she would take care of calling the vendors for me.

I’m not the type to keep silent when I’m upset, I talk about it, I rant about it and that’s what I’ve been doing on Twitter occasionally, since this happened. I know a lot of people are the complete opposite of me, but thank you for not trying to get me to shut up.

When this first happened, I purged everything that he had given me, plus pictures of the two of us. Every time I found something that reminded me of him or us as a couple, I crumpled. The gorgeous engagement ring he gave me has been sold, and I gave the money to my mom who needs it more than I do right now. I spent nights reading, and binge watching Netflix with some BBQ chips beside me. I don’t have a lot of friends, so I really just spent a lot of time alone or with family.

My grandmother has already started bugging me to start dating again, but I’m just not ready and I’ve told her that more times than I can count. She desperately wants to see me married and settled, but right now I just want to enjoy being single. I don’t want to rush into anything.

Recently, I also had to cut ties with his family. That was hard because they are wonderful people. I had grown very close to his mom & sister especially, so cutting them out was hard. But after his sister told me last week (or maybe it was the week before) that he had knocked up the girl he cheated on me with, I couldn’t keep talking to her. Thankfully she understood, and wished me luck. Saying goodbye to his sister & mom was actually harder than saying goodbye to him because they hadn’t technically done anything wrong.

Cheating is awful, cowardly and disgusting. I have no sympathy for cheaters. I save my sympathy for the poor people that are cheated on. We didn’t ask to be cheated on. We didn’t ask to have our hearts shattered, and trust destroyed. 

If a relationship is no longer working for you, then have the courage and decency to break up before you start seeing other people.

If you have a friend who was recently cheated on and the relationship has ended, be there to support them. Don’t try to convince them to “get back out there” They will reenter the dating world when they are ready to do so. If you have a friend who was cheated on, but elected to stay in the relationship, be a friend and don’t impart your opinions on them staying in the relationship unless expressly asked.

Healing is a process. In my case, it’s going to be a slow process. I don’t trust easily, but I trusted him and I loved him and he betrayed my trust and shattered my heart. Something like that takes awhile to heal from and there’s always the chance that I won’t fully heal from this emotional upheaval. 

I only ask that you all keep me in your thoughts as I continue to navigate this pathway of life.

Thanks for reading, everyone.

Friday Musings #5

Okay so I was booked on Tuesday so I couldn’t do my Top Ten Things That Make Me Shun A Book like so many others in the blogging community. I needed a topic for today SO I decided to do my Top Ten Things That Make Me Shun A Book today. Hope you enjoy!

~God/Religion~
This is my number one thing. I am an atheist so it would make no sense for me to read a book about a God that I don’t believe in. I am also not religious at all so anything that so much as HINTS at being religious in any capacity does not get a home on my bookshelf.
~Politics~
This one’s easy. I find politics to be boring and I will not read a book that so much as HINTS at it.
~Insta-love/lust~
First of all I am not into that cheesy & corny crap. There is no such thing as insta love. There is such a thing as insta-lust and I wish people would call it that rather than calling it love. You cannot love someone you don’t know and may have never met.
~Bad Author Behavior~
If I hear a story about an author behaving badly to either another author or a blogger like myself,I will NOT pick up their book.To me it would be like rewarding them for behaving badly. No just no.
~Using Sex As The Only Plot Point~
If I have to hear someone say “Well Sex Sells” one more time, I may put my fist through a wall. Yes sex does amp up the book sales but for me if there is nothing else to the story I am going to throw it as far away from my body as possible.Even erotica has to have SOME sort of plot in order for me to read it. If it doesn’t,then I don’t read it. Simple as that.
~Steampunk~

If someone could just explain to me WHAT it is,I’d be greatful. As it is,I don’t get it and don’t understand the appeal.
~Aliens/Zombies/Werewolves & Vampires~
I threw all four of these together because I just don’t get the appeal of any of them. I like a good SciFi book as much as the next person but Aliens? No thank you. I think I’ve seen enough Vampire crap to last me a lifetime. Zombies,um no thank you. There was only one series that I loved a werewolf character and if you are as much of a geek as I am,then you’ll know what I’m talking about.
~Abuse~
Sometimes these stories are done beautifully and they tell the tale of a battered woman escaping from a violent man. But I rarely read them and that’s because usually we are forced to read about the abuse in graphic detail. I will not be okay with that. It’s like abuse is being glorified which makes me sick.
~Cheating~
This is something I don’t accept in my real life.Why should my reading choices be any different.It’s rude,disrespectful and like abuse,it glorifies the act.
~Historical Books~
I hated history in high school,hated it in college so why would I want to read anything with a historical theme? Answer is,I wouldn’t. Historical books of any kind bore the heck outta me and you won’t catch me reading them.Ever.
So what was on your TT list this week? Share your TT link with me so I can stop by if I haven’t already.