Review: Positive: A Memoir by Paige Rawl & Ali Benjamin

Book Title: Positive: A Memoir
Authors: Paige Rawl & Ali Benjamin
Publish Date: August 26th, 2014
Publisher: Harper Collins
Genre: Memoir
Standalone
Book Link: Goodreads
Synopsis from Goodreads:
An astonishing memoir for the untold number of children whose lives have been touched by bullying. Positive is a must-read for teens, their parents, educators, and administrators—a brave, visceral work that will save lives and resonate deeply.

Paige Rawl has been HIV positive since birth, but growing up, she never felt like her illness defined her. On an unremarkable day in middle school, she disclosed to a friend her HIV-positive status—and within hours the bullying began. From that moment forward, every day was like walking through a minefield. Paige was never sure when or from where the next text, taunt, or hateful message would come. Then one night, desperate for escape, fifteen-year-old Paige found herself in her bathroom staring at a bottle of sleeping pills.

That could have been the end of her story. Instead, it was only the beginning. Paige’s memoir calls for readers to choose action over complacency, compassion over cruelty—and above all, to be Positive.

Disclaimer: I got this ARC in an exchange with another blogger. Thanks again Lili.

Review:
Words cannot express how much I loved this book. I am going to try and do it justice but I doubt I will. Paige Rawl’s experience was so much like my own in middle school that sometimes I had to put the book away and just concentrate on breathing before I broke down in sobs. And sometimes I sobbed anyway. 

Having a life-threatening illness myself, I have often felt isolated and kids in school (middle school and especially high school) treated me like garbage. And no one ever did anything to help me. In middle school, I was told “boys will be boys” as they called me awful names, pulled chairs out from under me, used their height and size to overpower me as I tried to leave the room. No punishment was ever doled out to them.

And in high school, especially my sophomore & junior years, it was even worse. Boys would hide my wheelchair so I couldn’t walk very far, they would call me names and tell me my mom should have killed me. They sprayed their disgusting cologne into my backpack so no one would come near me. 

They even started harassing my mom. 

But the worst incident came on February 13th, 2003. I was heading to class when one of them shoved his shoe into the spokes of my wheelchair. Of course I couldn’t move so I tried to pull the shoe out of the spokes. He kept a hold of the shoe so it wouldn’t come out. I grabbed his wrist and he pulled away, and when that happened, the wheelchair tipped over with me still inside of it. 

There was also an incident with pudding being hurled at me from across the room. I remember that because that was the first time I had people helping me. One person ran to get a teacher and 3 girls followed me into the bathroom to help me clean up. 

At this time I was in a private school with a supposed “zero tolerance for bullying” statement. However, the boys who taunted me were from families with a lot of money. The high school was small so of course nothing was ever done to them. Senior year was much better as we had a new principal who was on my side 100% and he finally came through for me.
Reading all about what Paige went through took me straight back to middle school and high school. I remembered all too well the desperation I felt when no one would stick up for me. I remember feeling so angry and so sad that people were too afraid of the bullies, too afraid of losing money to stand up and do what was right.
I had teachers like Miss Ward who wouldn’t defend me and who would actually blame me even though I was simply trying to defend myself. So I definitely understood Paige’s frustration there. I really think Paige must have been in my head because so much of what she wrote about were things I experienced.We have different health problems but we still faced bullying every single day. Except for the different health problems, I feel like I could have written this exact book with so many of the same things happening to me.
I spent the majority of the book in tears and wanting to give Paige a big hug. This book needs to be in every school library. This book needs to be required reading for students and educators alike. Bullying is still such a widespread issue and I don’t think enough is being done to protect the students. I absolutely adored this book and it’s getting 5 stars. It was raw, honest and emotional, exactly the way I was hoping it would be.  

Review: If You Leave (Beautifully Broken #2) by Courtney Cole

Book Title: If You Leave
Author: Courtney Cole
Published Date: August 6th, 2013
Publisher: Forever
Genre: NA/Romance
Series: Book 2 in the Beautifully Broken series
Book Link: Goodreads
Purchase Link: Amazon

Synopsis from Goodreads:
26-year old Gabriel Vincent is a badass hero. Or he used to be, anyway. As an ex-Army Ranger, Gabe never thought he needed anyone. But after one horrible night in Afghanistan scars him in a way that he can’t get past, he needs someone who can help him heal…even if he doesn’t realize it.

25-year old Madison Hill doesn’t need anybody…or so she thinks. She grew up watching her parents’ messed-up abusive relationship and she knows there’s no way in hell that she’s ever letting that happen to her.

They don’t know it in the beginning, but Gabriel and Madison will soon develop a weakness: Each other.

But Gabriel’s got a secret, a hidden monster that he’s afraid Maddy could never overcome… And Maddy’s got issues that she’s afraid Gabe will never understand. They quickly realize that they need each other to be whole, but at the same time they know that they’ve got demons to fight.

And the problem with demons is that they never die quietly.
Disclaimer: This e-book was a personal purchase.
Review:
I read If You Stay at the very beginning of my blogging endeavor and I had absolutely loved it. I wasn’t sure if If You Leave would have the same special-ness that book one had had. I needn’t have worried. If possible I loved If You Leave even more than the first book.
We had gotten snapshots of Madison in the first book but I had no idea how much alike we were until this book. Like Madison, I had to deal with my mother’s marriage to an abusive man right in my teenage years. The very time that I was starting to notice boys was the very time my mother was married for the second time. I knew that the way he was treating my mother was not okay and I got angry with her for not leaving sooner. It took her 12 years to leave the marriage, something Madison’s mother was not brave enough to do. 
Because of having to watch my mom get treated in such a terrible way, I built up walls. Walls the size of The Great Wall of China. I was not going to put myself in a position to get hurt like my mother had. So I resonated big time with Madison. I knew what it felt like to have those walls up.It’s never really said outright but I am guessing that Madison had friends that told her that she could overcome this if she really wanted to and that she was not her mother. Trust me, I had friends tell me the exact same thing. But it’s not easy. It’s not easy to let your guard down if you’ve been a witness to some truly shitty things.
“It’s because of my parents that I’m afraid to get involved with anyone.It’s because of them that I am afraid any relationship I get into will hurt me.Just like my dad hurt my mom.” -Madison
Oh sure Madison dates, like the guy Ethan who she has known since kindergarten and who had puked up chocolate milk all over her.Too bad he’s vanilla and Madison isn’t interested in him at all.
“Oh yeah,that’s just what I want. The guy who vomited up his chocolate milk on me in kindergarten doing my pap smear.” -Madison
In comes sexy as hell Gabriel Vincent.Oh man he was cocky and arrogant from the beginning but I suspected that was a facade for the demons that were buried inside of him. He definitely did not make the best of impressions the first night they met,but over time he softened up and in turn so did Madison. She got to see his softer side and his protective side as he dealt with his sister Jacey and her crazy as hell boyfriend. Gabriel began to make Madison feel safe. 
When crap goes down,Gabriel begins to realize that he cannot just push his issues aside. He’s got to deal with them. If he doesn’t he could lose Madison…forever. 
Watching Madison’s walls slowly inch down was awesome. It was inspiring and it gave me a lot of hope. Watching her let Gabe in, in every way was heartwarming and it made me cry on multiple times. Gabe’s decision to get help for his issues was awesome too. I liked that he realized that he couldn’t deal with it on his own and that it wasn’t a crime or a mark against his manhood to need and therefore get help. 
Getting to see Mila and Pax was an awesome surprise. I loved how they were still so close as they were in the first book.
This book gets 5 stars from me. If at all possible, I loved this book more than If I Stay mostly because of how well I related to Madison and how she was feeling. I cannot wait to read the next book in this series.
“Love is deathless.”